Pregnancy, Childbirth, and Loss: One Mama's Story

Lindsay Eddy Talks About Processing Loss, Managing Grief, and Meeting her Rainbow Baby

Bloom mama Lindsay Eddy brought her second baby into the world just 4 months ago in January 2021. Already familiar with The Bloom Method through working with Brooke personally during her first pregnancy, Lindsay immediately turned to Bloom once again when she became pregnant for a second, and then a third time.

Lindsay’s incredible strength in growing and birthing her babies and raw honesty about her experience - including navigating the loss of her little girl - is a testament to the ability to process grief, the power of our bodies to heal, and the importance of dedicating time to self-care, meditation and gentle movement in the wake of the most unimaginable loss.

Read more about Lindsay’s incredible story in her interview with Bloom, below. 

When did you join Bloom?

I worked out privately with Brooke and then in her Boulder studio in 2016/17 during my first pregnancy. Fifteen months after our son was born we got pregnant with a little girl. This was around the time Studio Bloom launched, and I found the online option very convenient for my new normal with a toddler.

Why did you join Bloom? What were your goals?

I wanted a workout that challenged me, yet was safe, and found that with The Bloom Method. I was lucky enough to join in-person classes which also provided me with a mom network that I found really valuable as a first-time mom.

What has your experience been like working out with Bloom? Have you achieved some of the goals you came to the studio with?

31 weeks into our pregnancy we learned that our daughter, Hailey, would pass soon after she was born. At 37 weeks I gave birth to my beautiful girl, who fought hard, but passed away 15 hours later. Studio Bloom became the one thing I could do for myself every single day, starting the second I left the hospital without my baby in my arms. Exercise has always been my go-to for heart healing, and I needed it more than I ever had in my life before. In the beginning, I didn’t have a lot of energy, but I promised myself I would just show up every day and focus on it being “my time”. I would sit outside in our yard, under a tree and do the core rehab exercises and let the sun hit my face.

It was so valuable to repair myself physically and do something for me before I was ready to start rebuilding myself emotionally. Slowly I felt stronger and stronger, week by week, and my heart soon followed. I worked through a lot of grief during the workouts and often found myself in tears during it, but in the end always felt stronger. Having the privacy and solitude to work on myself and let all the emotions flow in and out was so critical for me. I am so incredibly thankful this was offered in the privacy of my own home and didn’t have to enter a room of postpartum moms with newborn babies. I wouldn’t have been able to do that.

Our rainbow baby was just born this January, and once again Studio Bloom was there for me in the way I needed. Pregnancy after loss is filled with gratitude, but also anxiety. Staying healthy, strong, and mindful was even more important this time around, especially layered with a global pandemic! Three different pregnancies, three totally different circumstances, and somehow Studio Bloom met me exactly where I needed once again. Studio Bloom, and Brooke, have been such an integral part of my journey into motherhood, and I am eternally grateful.

What is something surprising/unexpected/above and beyond that Bloom has given you?

Exercise ended up being a form of therapy for me after the loss of our daughter Hailey in 2019. Working through a postnatal program without my baby made my new reality so apparent and forced me to face my heartache head-on. I couldn't escape the deep and raw emotions of my loss during the hour I set aside each day to work on myself. I was so thankful to be able to move through the program in the privacy of my own home so I could let the emotions flow in and out in the way they needed to. I was rebuilding my body and my heart simultaneously, and there were days when one felt stronger than the other and would lift me through the workouts. I specifically remember at the end of the core rehab program, looking back on the six weeks and feeling proud of how strong my body and my heart felt, and incredibly thankful for Studio Bloom.

Do you have any thoughts/advice for other moms who have experienced loss?

To other loss moms: You did the hardest thing anyone has ever done-- you walked out of a hospital without your child. Take a moment and let that sink in and give yourself some love and self-compassion. The days you want to give up, realize you have already survived the hardest moment of your life. And when you are ready---think of one way you want to honor your baby and set that intention every day. Our daughter lived for 15 hours, which is equivalent to one day of wakefulness for me. I don't take for granted that each morning I wake I am gifted with the number of hours that was the sum total of her entire life. I take those 15 hours and live for the both of us now.

What's the greatest gift that motherhood has given you?

Compassion. Watching little people grow and experience such complex emotions makes you realize we should extend the same compassion and understanding to all ages. I also feel like becoming a parent gives you the opportunity to live life again but through your children's eyes. I have found that to be the biggest joy of parenting.

What's your tip for finding balance when it comes to fitness and self-care?

If all else fails, include your children! One of my favorite memories from when Camden was a baby was bringing him with me to Bloom Method classes in Boulder. He continues to be a part of my workouts from home and knows all the instructors by their names! My husband and I try to incorporate our children in all of our hikes and walks to establish a healthy foundation and love with the outdoors and exercise at a young age.

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Lindsay Eddy is the Director of Development for a small school that specializes in dyslexia intervention in Boulder, CO. She is the proud mother of Camden (4), Caleb (4 months), and her angel daughter Hailey. She and her husband, Matt, enjoy being outdoors with their two boys as much as possible and taking advantage of all the natural beauty Colorado offers. You can follow her on Instagram  @lindsay_mceddy. 

And for other loss moms who are looking for answers, a way to work through grief, and solidarity or support as they navigate this journey, Lindsay’s blog, Carrying Loss not only documents her challenging pregnancy and loss but also how she and her family found answers and some peace.